Insights from Mark Rees…

CV: As a high school aviation teacher, what techniques have you found most effective for engaging and motivating a teenage population?

MR: Teenagers are less different than most adults think they are. They are just like anyone else, they have hopes, dreams, needs and fears. The biggest difference in a their ability to navigate all of these things is less developed. My best strategy is to listen to the person and not the behavior. The biggest thing I learned from teaching my first year is that every behavior makes complete sense if you fully know where the student (or adult) is coming from. My goal is to understand where each of my students is coming from so I can help them navigate to where they want to be and also help them understand their own behavior. Self awareness is often all that is missing.

CV: One of the modalities I use at Indy Insights is Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT), which focuses on identifying values and taking committed action towards them. You frequently discuss values in your life. What are your core values, and how did you discover them?

MR: This is great, values-based living is the key to living your best life. My core values were (as of 3 years ago) exploration, reliability, self sufficiency, adventure and achievement. I need to re-examine these to see if anything has changed. The way I do that is I start with a list of 200+ values. I go through it and throw out everything I don’t at all value. From there I have the values face-off in a bracket style tournament until I’m down to a handful of values. What I have found is that people only get really upset when a core value is violated. People do not achieve their goals if there is not alignment with values, or if they do achieve the goal, it’s unfulfilling. Lining up what you do with what you value has got to be a high priority for everyone who wants to get a lot out of life.

CV: I’ve previously invited you to guest lecture at Hope Academy on nutrition. Many people want to eat healthier but fall into the trap of convenience foods. Besides eating more fruits and vegetables, what other factors should people consider when making food choices?

MR: Consider food availability. Everyone eats what is available so try not to keep unhealthy foods in your house at all. In addition, the best and most concise wisdom on eating is from Michael Pollan who said “Eat Food, not too much, mostly plants”.

CV: In my work in the mental health field, I’ve seen that life transitions often lead people to seek support. Given your recent major changes—moving across the country, welcoming a new baby, and starting a new career—how did you manage, and what advice do you have for others facing significant transitions?

MR: I think that’s perspective is key to a lot of it. I have gone through big life changes before, so have billions of other people. Time still moves forward. The world still turns. This is the proper time to go into the wilderness and look up at the night sky. It will make all of your challenges, all of humanity’s challenges and everything you think you know seem like nothing. I think that seeking and experiencing awe is the best medicine for life’s turmoil.

CV: You and Rebecca have been married for a few years and have a young child. What is the key to a happy marriage, and how do you keep it strong while balancing parenting?

MR: Having had an unhappy marriage and a happy one, I can say that there is only so much you can do on your side of the street. In other words, it takes two. If both people are regularly (not necessarily always) willing to put the other’s wants needs in front of their own, then it can work. There has to be a back and forth which requires good communication. Because of this, people often mistake communication for the secret sauce. It’s more like salt, it brings out the flavor of what is already there. The dish has to be constructed on humility, love and acceptance of each other exactly as they are. Adding a child to a marriage is like giving a ton of money to someone. It exposes what is really there. I think the work we did early in our relationship prepared us for being parents. Also like putting on your own oxygen mask first, the biggest thing you can do for your kids is show them what a healthy relationship looks like. I believe that always putting a child’s needs above your own or your partners does not help the child learn how to be a healthy person.

CV: Having started multiple businesses and achieved success in various ventures, what would you have done differently if you knew then what you know now? Is there a strategy you wish you had used?

MR: Not really, it’s hard to want it to be different because I’ve learned so much through the challenges. Perhaps the only thing would be to listen when people tell you who they are. I had a business sour because my partner’s integrity did not match my own. Moral character is more important than money and I wish there was some way I could have learned that without having to experience it directly.

CV: What were your favorite things to do for fun when you lived in Indianapolis?

MR: I also explored the city, running around all different neighborhoods on foot. I built a strong community which you can do just about anywhere. I’ve met people in very remote places where there’s seemingly nothing going on. I ask the locals how they spend their time and the answer is always the same, with friends and family. I think it was Chris McCandless who said something like “happiness is only real when shared with others”. I shared my time with others and that consistently brings joy into my life no matter where I am.